Friday, May 11, 2012

stream of consciousness experiment: part two

I feel so sick. I don't know why I feel sick. I feel nice, though. I'm writing things. I miss ERL; I write more slowly since he left. I hope he's happy, wherever he is, whatever he's doing. I corrected a typo. I want to mention my professor because she makes me really happy. I talked with her today and she finally let me listen to one of her band's songs, and it was really amazing. I wish I had actually told her it was amazing, and I did indirectly say it, but indirect is never enough to me. I don't know why. I feel like I've looked at every piece of Fire Emblem fanart and read every fanfiction in the fandom and it's a little depressing feeling because I feel that we're all dying. The fans, the people, the spirits, we're all dying. People don't care the way they used to care. I want to care and I want to feel the way people don't feel anymore. I want to talk to my professor more. She's right, we're ten years apart but I feel we're still equal, too. I like that she said that. It was joyous to hear what I've been thinking all of this time. I mean, what's this about society and people of different generations being required to separate themselves from each other? I just don't find it fair.

I'm hungry but I'm eating and I still feel sick. I should be working on my inquiry paper and I'm not; it's almost finished, and it's hard to write more. I feel almost that adding more would only disturb the flow. I want to start working on my mafia game, but I cannot because I want to write first. I suppose I'm starting to write these now so that I can remember how my thoughts can rapidly change in a day, and perhaps convert them into little diary entries that might someday become vital pieces of the puzzle of my life so that writing my autobiography will be made just a bit easier.

I just now recalled us once having a goldfish named Goldo. Apparently he lived for a year. When he died, my mom didn't directly tell me that he died. I must have just assumed it. I wonder what I assumed.

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